I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
