Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
