The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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