As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
