so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
