Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We just shotgunned beers for America
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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