My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
