i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
