I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Let's paint friendship bongs
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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