I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is the high leading the old right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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