If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
