Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you win again, gameday.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
