Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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