Say something about gay babies.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
