I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
