Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
