I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
