Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
