We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
