i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have post one night stand depression
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
