I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
