just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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