highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
