I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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