I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
