its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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