smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
