don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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