She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
