You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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