your thong is hanging out like whoa
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
