Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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