her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
