FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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