So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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