Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
