Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
