So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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