forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
