We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
