I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
