Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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