She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
