If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Vodka?
Forever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
