I just saw a hot homeless man
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
