Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
