At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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