On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
