:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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