How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
