As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
