11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
