I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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