Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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