I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
