I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
