The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need a beard to bite.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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