just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
