Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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